Sorry for the abscence of posts......I was afraid to post because I knew I wouldn't be able to keep the news to myself-"I'm pregnant!". Today I would have been 7 weeks and 2 days pregnant, due November 7.
But no more. Once again I had spotting (only this time on a Friday night so I could spend the whole weekend worrying) and got an ultrasound today that revealed no baby.
I now have a 33% success rate with pregnancy...pregnancies which are not particularly easy for me to acheive in the first place.
Where do I go from here? Well, at this moment, drinking myself to sleep is not working but not for any lack of trying. Jon and my doctor are all set to go and try again......but I just don't know.
Part of me feels like maybe I just need to concentrate on being a better Mother to Kyan.....that maybe God is punishing me because I haven't been a good enough Mom. I mean, I had everyone at church praying for me that it would be okay, and clearly it didn't do any good.
Time marches on, and eventually I will have to put away the wine bottle, wipe away my tears and get out of bed again, but right now the only thing I am capable of is holding Kyan tight and telling hime I love him, hoping it'l be okay if I am not able to give him any siblings, and wondering why my body keeps choosing to betray me.
My apologies in advance, as I don;t think I will be up to posting for a while.