Friday, April 25, 2008

Food for Thought

I have been reading quite a lot lately about the various roles of motherhood, and how we are now viewed as parents. I've also read quite a lot on the advent of parent bloggers, which made me think some...(yup, that's why ther is smoke coming out my ears).

I ALWAYS wanted kids. And as many of you may know, it was a nearly 2 year road with pit stops for fertility meds that finally got us to the destination of pregnancy/my nine month bitch-fest. Nevertheless, I find myself struggling on an almost constant basis with what the role of motherhood MEANS.

I still have to work, so on one hand I must be professional and organized and courteous, even if I am still in my slippers and smell like spit up. I am also Kyan's Mama, trying to help him navigate this new world he is experiencing...Letting him explore while keeping him safe. I am also a wife......and I don't know about others, but it seems to me that I soon as I became a Mother, I took on a more traditional "wifely" role.....I clean more, fret abuot what to make dinner, try to makes Jon's life easier when he comes home and not pester him TOO much; because hey, he goes OUT to work every day and brings home the bigger paycheck. He would never ask me to do this, but I find it's the role I have taken on, anyway. WHY??

Although this revelation is nothing new to other Mother's I am sure, I am always surprised at the different roles I am expected to play, and how willingly I conform to this. I should NOT be surprised then (though I often am), at how little time this leaves for me. We live in a narcissistic world, and I hate to resort to a rant of "I need ME time!"....but at the same time.......Between work, wife, Mom.......where did I go? I used to feel very creative, always pallning projects to work on, and I just don't have the time anymore. Which is perhaps why I turned to blogging, which I use to LOATHE, and swore I'd never have one. Why? Because Myspace (have that too), blogging, etc, just seemed so self involved. A person who has their own blog?? They obviously spend more time writing about themself than actually going out and living. I started this blog with the intention that my side of the family, who is not close by, would be able to check in here for regular updates on Captain Poopypants, aka Kyan. and that if perhaps I wanted to blog on other topics, be it politics or fashion or the environment or the train wreck that is Britney Spears too, then this would of course be an excellent forum for that.

But my brain seems to cloud if I try and write about anything other then Kyan or Jon. Which makes me fear I am starting to lose some of the obnoxious views and qualities and talents that make me ME.

If you are reading, please feel free to comment: As a mother or parent out there, have you been able to maintain your "youness" , without being narcissistic? How do you do it?

1 comment:

Carrie said...

As I am not a mother, this may not seem as valid to you, but I am 100% sure every mother has felt what you are, and in fact, probably every person who is spread a little too thin on the responsibilities of life. I am probably one of the biggest advocates for "me time" you will ever find. Its a personal thing...some people seem to need more than others, much like sleep. I think making "me time" every once in a while helps you stay in focus and happy about the rest of your life and obligations. It helps to keep you grounded to feel your own sense of self. You made it all through childhood and college and work experiences and marriage having different experiences that affected you and allowed you change thoughts and ideas. Sometimes we get so busy just living life we forget to actually EXPERIENCE it. Taking a step back and taking "me time" helps put things in perspective...well for me it does anyway. There isn't anything narcissistic about it...it just keeps your head from exploding every once in a while. Because life is sooo busy for most of us these days and we are all expected to multi-task our lives away (I think multi-tasking is the devil but thats a different issue), most people who have come to the "me time" connundrum have to schedule it in. It's a good idea actually. If you know when Jon comes home, put the kid down for a nap and he can just keep an ear out and be alone and somewhere quiet for an hour. You might not get to do it everyday, but look at the times it is possible for Jon or someone to look out for things for you. Try having at least one afternoon a month thats just for you and no one else. Walk around, go see an exhibit, do some reading, or work on a project whether or not you finish it, just as long as it is something you enjoy doing. Keeping a hold of yourself and your hobbies makes you happier in everything you do in life and gives you things to talk about for you:)