And I am a naughty monkey for not updating after my appt....Appointment went fine, they pulled out the doppler, and couldn't find a heartbeat. My midwife admitted she wouldn't try very hard, cause she know I have been a bit anxious of late, and if they couldn't "find" the heartbeat, I would score another ultrasound and get to see the baby again (and possibly gender??), otherwise, my next ultrasound is the anatomy ultrasound at 20 weeks (it seems so so far away right now..)
So I was promptly booked for an ultrasound early in the afternoon, and was fairly unworried since Jon had found the heartbeat just 2 days before with our rented doppler. So the ultrasound went fine-Baby's heartrate was 167 (Kyan's was usually in the 140's, If I remember correctly), and I got to marvel at the miracle that is pregnancy and growing a life inside you....Even having had a successful pregnancy before, it still amazes me at the changes that take place over a span of weeks....I had an ultrasound at 8.5 weeks, and everything looked SO different....you couldn't see a spine and really defined arms and legs...the baby looked kind of like a gummy bear then.....Baby would not show off the goods in it's nether regions-it wasn't in the right position, the ultrasound tech said, but none-the-less, I was so happy to see my little baby moving and squirming and it's little heart beating away...how incredible to think: The tech said the heart is like the size of a green pea right now....How crazy is that??
Anyway, all remains well....I am still waiting for first trimester exhaustion to go away, but I am sure that will happen in the next couple weeks.....But I am just happy to be in the 2nd trimester now (14 weeks, 2 days!)
If I can ever sit at the computer without Kyan attacking me or falling asleep first, I will try and get the latest ultrasound pics up!
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Update Tomorrow
I will have an update tomorrow-I have my regularly scheduled, non-freak out anxiety Midwifery appointment tomorrow....Hopefully they will at least make the APPOINTMENT for my ananotomy ultrasound.....Cause I am DYING to know whether this kid has a hamburger or a hot dog, and at least if I know when the DATE is, I'll have a date to look forward to and focus on...
So, more to come....
So, more to come....
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Anxiety
Well, I am have been feeling really anxious lately about this pregnancy...why? I don't know. My pregnancy with Kyan seemed much more unstable at first-I spotted thru my whole first trimester. But this time around, everything is going fine. But I am SO ANXIOUS.
I called my Midwife's office today to see if they would move up my appointment (it was for a week from now) because I was feeling nervous. They happily ageed to fit me in today, which I was SO grateful for.
So I got to the office and promptly burst into tears. The Midwife I saw today (Pam) was really nice and attentive to my neurotic anxiety. So she got out the doppler to find the baby's heartbeat to reassure me. So she kept trying....and trying for about 12 minutes. The words "we need to schedule an ultrasound to check on everything then" had just left her mouth when she tried one more time....and this time she was able to find it! Thank God, cause I was having a heart attack, thinking my worst fears were coming true. Apparently, she says this little baby must be very active, and as my uterus is still low (and tilted), this baby has the perfect place to hide from the doppler.
So glad I heard the heartbeat again though...it did help ease my mind some.....I think I mentioned before that I rented a doppler, and it came yesterday, and I was not finding a heartbeat for love or money.
So that is the news for now.....baby is okay!
I called my Midwife's office today to see if they would move up my appointment (it was for a week from now) because I was feeling nervous. They happily ageed to fit me in today, which I was SO grateful for.
So I got to the office and promptly burst into tears. The Midwife I saw today (Pam) was really nice and attentive to my neurotic anxiety. So she got out the doppler to find the baby's heartbeat to reassure me. So she kept trying....and trying for about 12 minutes. The words "we need to schedule an ultrasound to check on everything then" had just left her mouth when she tried one more time....and this time she was able to find it! Thank God, cause I was having a heart attack, thinking my worst fears were coming true. Apparently, she says this little baby must be very active, and as my uterus is still low (and tilted), this baby has the perfect place to hide from the doppler.
So glad I heard the heartbeat again though...it did help ease my mind some.....I think I mentioned before that I rented a doppler, and it came yesterday, and I was not finding a heartbeat for love or money.
So that is the news for now.....baby is okay!
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
The Update
Well, it's been a busy few months around here.....I needed to regroup and really focus on being gratful for all the good things that were already in my life, namely Kyan and Jon.
But time marches on, and we are happy to announce I am a Host Organism!! I am supporting a new life! YES, PREGNANT!!! We are officially 12 weeks along, with a due date around Feb. 12 (my birthday).....I have rented a doppler...it took 20 minutes to find the heartbeat today and a lot of patience, but we finally found the little bugger hiding under my pubic bone! :-) Because of my history of miscarriage, I have had 2 ultrasounds already, and everything has checked out thus far. We are SO EXCITED!!!
Kyan is growing and thriving: He had his 2 year well child appointment today. He is 37 1/2 inches tall and 31 lbs and 9 ounces and his head is 50cm. His language skills have really picked up-and everyhting is "Mine". He can point to and name almost all of his body parts. He says "I Love You" now (sounds like I LUB WU) and has become a pretty affectionate little man.
Kyan turned 2 on July 24 and really enjoyed his birthday. He really got into the presents concept this time-In fact, now everytime he sees a present, he thinks it is his to open! He got some clothes, some trucks, a tractor, some puzzles, a fire truck and Thomas the Tank Engine toys, which are now a total obesession....Everything is "Thomas this" and "Thomas that" and "SODOR!" (as in The Island of Sodor).
Anyway, I will conclude with some pictures of Kyan's birthday and my pregnant belly (as well as that of my best friend, Amelia, who is pregnant too-8 weeks ahead of me and expecting TWINS!!!)
Kyan and his cake:
Kyan with Grampie:
Amelia at 16.5 weeks, and me at 9 weeks:
Amelia at 18 weeks, and me at 11 weeks:
I look forwarding to jumping back into blogging and keeping you updated on out little corner of Massachusetts!
But time marches on, and we are happy to announce I am a Host Organism!! I am supporting a new life! YES, PREGNANT!!! We are officially 12 weeks along, with a due date around Feb. 12 (my birthday).....I have rented a doppler...it took 20 minutes to find the heartbeat today and a lot of patience, but we finally found the little bugger hiding under my pubic bone! :-) Because of my history of miscarriage, I have had 2 ultrasounds already, and everything has checked out thus far. We are SO EXCITED!!!
Kyan is growing and thriving: He had his 2 year well child appointment today. He is 37 1/2 inches tall and 31 lbs and 9 ounces and his head is 50cm. His language skills have really picked up-and everyhting is "Mine". He can point to and name almost all of his body parts. He says "I Love You" now (sounds like I LUB WU) and has become a pretty affectionate little man.
Kyan turned 2 on July 24 and really enjoyed his birthday. He really got into the presents concept this time-In fact, now everytime he sees a present, he thinks it is his to open! He got some clothes, some trucks, a tractor, some puzzles, a fire truck and Thomas the Tank Engine toys, which are now a total obesession....Everything is "Thomas this" and "Thomas that" and "SODOR!" (as in The Island of Sodor).
Anyway, I will conclude with some pictures of Kyan's birthday and my pregnant belly (as well as that of my best friend, Amelia, who is pregnant too-8 weeks ahead of me and expecting TWINS!!!)
Kyan and his cake:
Kyan with Grampie:
Amelia at 16.5 weeks, and me at 9 weeks:
Amelia at 18 weeks, and me at 11 weeks:
I look forwarding to jumping back into blogging and keeping you updated on out little corner of Massachusetts!
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
TIme Out
I am:
drained
exhausted
achey
sad
I've probably bored anyone who read this blog to death with my whining anyway, so I will be taking a break. I don't know for how long (let's face it, my posting frequency of late has been pretty lame)--I have too much going on and not going on, and since the only things I can think of to write are the words to songs from The Cure or strings of expletives, if you can't say anything positive, don't say anything at all, right?
drained
exhausted
achey
sad
I've probably bored anyone who read this blog to death with my whining anyway, so I will be taking a break. I don't know for how long (let's face it, my posting frequency of late has been pretty lame)--I have too much going on and not going on, and since the only things I can think of to write are the words to songs from The Cure or strings of expletives, if you can't say anything positive, don't say anything at all, right?
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Moving forward
It has been a rough couple weeks.......I don't have the ability to sit and mourn, the way I did when I lost my first pregnancy, because a certain very busy 20 month old requires my attention. But it's been very easy to just sit down at times and dissolve into tears, at which point Kyan come over to me and gives me a hug (with a big sloppy kiss, if I ask nicely).
I wish this weren't so hard......Having been through this once already, I wish I was used to it, or could have become desensetized to it.....It has just been a roller coaster.....My HCG levels have gone down, then up...more spotting, no spotting, more spotting.....It's gonna take 2-3 months for my body to get back to normal before we can even try again.....
And yes, I am sure we will try again, although I honestly feel nothing but dread at the prospect....the last couple months before I got pregnant this time were really hard, and I don;t want to deal with that again, and then if I DO get another positive, I will just be waiting for somethign to go wrong...I felt that way when I was pregnant with Kyan, and obviously he turned out okay, but I didn't have anyone else to look after then.....being consumed and paralyzed with fear that the little bean you already love might cease to exist is exhausting, and quite frankly, my shitty parenting of Kyan over the last couple weeks is bad enough......He deserves to have me PRESENT, not freaking out about a future for his sibling I have no control over.
To top it all off, we bought a Honda Odyssey minivan the week I miscarried......I have been wanting one really bad-We were bringing home Kyan fro the hospital after he was born when the Matrix had started to feel cramped. Where I felt we could justify a minivan when we had our second child on the way, now I am just the asshole who drives a huge car with crappy gas mileage and ONE kid in the back. Don't get me wrong-I love the car, love the space, and think it is a great car-now we ca carry around an extra car seat for Kyan's friends and their Mom's (my friends). But I feel a little sad eery time I am getting into that car.....I just want it to be filled with kids. I ran into an old co-worker of Jon's today at Storytime at the Library.......She had her 2nd baby a couple months after I had Kyan, and is now halfway through her pregnancy with #3, and is still driving around is her old sedan. Now I just feel guilty....That is clearly a woman who needs a minivan more than I do.....
And so, life must go on whether I really feel like it or not, which is good, I guess, in some ways. I have some cute pics and video of Kyan I ver much need to upload, but am currently lacking the energy to do.
I wish this weren't so hard......Having been through this once already, I wish I was used to it, or could have become desensetized to it.....It has just been a roller coaster.....My HCG levels have gone down, then up...more spotting, no spotting, more spotting.....It's gonna take 2-3 months for my body to get back to normal before we can even try again.....
And yes, I am sure we will try again, although I honestly feel nothing but dread at the prospect....the last couple months before I got pregnant this time were really hard, and I don;t want to deal with that again, and then if I DO get another positive, I will just be waiting for somethign to go wrong...I felt that way when I was pregnant with Kyan, and obviously he turned out okay, but I didn't have anyone else to look after then.....being consumed and paralyzed with fear that the little bean you already love might cease to exist is exhausting, and quite frankly, my shitty parenting of Kyan over the last couple weeks is bad enough......He deserves to have me PRESENT, not freaking out about a future for his sibling I have no control over.
To top it all off, we bought a Honda Odyssey minivan the week I miscarried......I have been wanting one really bad-We were bringing home Kyan fro the hospital after he was born when the Matrix had started to feel cramped. Where I felt we could justify a minivan when we had our second child on the way, now I am just the asshole who drives a huge car with crappy gas mileage and ONE kid in the back. Don't get me wrong-I love the car, love the space, and think it is a great car-now we ca carry around an extra car seat for Kyan's friends and their Mom's (my friends). But I feel a little sad eery time I am getting into that car.....I just want it to be filled with kids. I ran into an old co-worker of Jon's today at Storytime at the Library.......She had her 2nd baby a couple months after I had Kyan, and is now halfway through her pregnancy with #3, and is still driving around is her old sedan. Now I just feel guilty....That is clearly a woman who needs a minivan more than I do.....
And so, life must go on whether I really feel like it or not, which is good, I guess, in some ways. I have some cute pics and video of Kyan I ver much need to upload, but am currently lacking the energy to do.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)